Unbreakable

Photo from; Fireflight's Myspace page.

Fireflight is a new band that I just happened to stumble upon during my endless wandering on Youtube.com. The one song that really struck me was “Unbreakable” and it struck me because it reminds me exactly of Blair and Apollo. The lyrics touch my heart and it makes me think that this could be Blair’s theme song.

And I should have probably done this a blog or two ago, but I am going to fill you in on how Blair came to be. And it’ll link in to how the song relates to her. (So the parts in italics are in the song.)

Now to go back to Blair’s origin, we have to go back. Way back. Back to second grade. I’m about 8 at this point in time, I had just had the scariest run in with some evil soul suckers and lost my beloved pet Patches, and even now all I can remember from 2nd grade is Mom and Dad fighting. Always fighting. It’s like they forgot we were even in the room, but really we were just too scared to move from our place on the couch.

Some of the things that were screamed were things I thought two people who loved each other should never say to each other. But they were screamed at octaves so high that I am permanently sensitive to all yelling. My foundation, the two people who I needed to learn from, my first real glimpse at love, was crumbling right before my eyes and my stubby little 8-year-old fingers couldn’t grasp them fast enough. Like sand dripping through my fingers, my parent’s marriage dissolved and ended one year later.

My outlook on love and relationships was almost destroyed until I met Blair. Blair helped me lay the foundation of a new castle, a new sanctuary, by building the walls up so that I didn’t trust the male species. How could I? They lie, cheat, and ultimately leave you. “I love you” never sounded right anymore. Because all I could imagine was the twisted, enraged face of my father screaming at my mother.

“Where are the people that accused me? The ones who beat me down and bruised me.”

Then we moved cross-country before my fourth grade year. I thought a fresh new start would call for my walls to be lowered just a little bit so people could have a chance at being friends with the new girl. It wasn’t until the end of my 6th grade year that I realized what an awful mistake that was. I never knew friends could ditch friends, use friends, lie to friends, and not to mention I was shadowed by my sister L. I wasn’t myself and after we began our second cross country move is when Blair comforted me and we raised the walls back up again.

“They’ll return but I’ll be stronger… Now I am unbreakable this is unmistakable, no one can touch me, nothing can stop me.”

I knew behind the walls that I was unstoppable, no one could touch me. I knew it was a bad thing to hide behind them, but it was the only thing that made sense to me in the new city. I was ready to dodge the punches and keep to myself, but one act of kindness gave me a glimmer of hope. Walking into my 7th grade English class I was nervous because I didn’t know where to sit. A voice called out “You can sit here!” Blair in the back of my head told me to proceed with caution but I was too giddy to listen. I became friends with M, S, A, T, and more but all the while I was nervous about letting them know who I really was.

“Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going. But faith is moving without knowing. Can I trust what I can’t see? I want to take control but I know better.”

Middle school ended and my walls had been broken, rebuilt, broken again, and then rebuilt again, and I was ready for high school. It wasn’t much better, actually it was worse. So bad it’s to the point where I’m not going to let anyone in until I know I can trust them not to leave. Blair makes me feel “Unbreakable” she makes me feel strong and I know that with her guidance I can remain strong. I just have to keep my guard up constantly.

Until next time,

B